Are you making this dating mistake?
A lot of women make this dating mistake. They do this because it feels natural and because it feels comforting. We would rather stay WITHIN our comfort zone and… make the same mistake over and over again than face the truth and do something about it (with a willingness to leave that comfort zone).
Here is the mistake I am talking about: they meet a great guy, go out on several dates with him, and after just several weeks into dating they begin visualizing the future (with him).
Does it sound like you? What were the results?
I bet, you ended up feeling disappointed and hurt: after all, he did not feel the way you wanted (and expected) him to, he failed to say the ‘right words’ and to do the ‘right things’, he did not seem to value what you had together, and did not try hard enough to make it work. It is like you were sailing the boat, but you were the only one passenger there. He did not take on that journey with you, instead - he opted to jump out.
What happened and why did he leave? Should you have tried harder? And here are even more painful questions – why does it seem like you are ALWAYS the one who ends up being alone in that boat? Why do they ALL disappear and why does it never seem to work?? Why do you ALWAYS end up being hurt or disappointed? Are they all losers?
Let us step aside and look at the following without emotions:
Q1: In your opinion, how many caring, successful, smart, cute, funny, emotionally available, and ready to commit men are out there?
A1: Based on your and your girlfriends’ experience it is about 1%
Q2: Of that 1% how many of them think of YOU as being cute, smart, funny and available for a relationship?
A2: Not many perhaps…
As you can clearly see now, although every beginning of a new dating relationship is nothing but a bunch of exciting fireworks, the disappointing outcome of it is almost guaranteed. In other words – the default outcome of each dating relationship is FAILURE.
And the guy who chose to jump the boat – does it make him an evil? If he chose not to be with you, does it make him a bad guy?
Many men jump into relationships without thorough thinking. They do it impulsively without regard to how they’re coming across to the other person (i.e. YOU). They jump into it with both feet, all excited, inspired, and happy. And once they are in:
~ They say words they do not mean
~ They OVERPROMISE and UNDERDELIVER
~ They act like someone who is driving 110 mph on a freeway, missing all the signs and exits
~ They are too excited and totally oblivious to the fact that they are not ready to commit
~ They make you believe that they are ‘for real’ only to realize (one day) that they made a mistake…
And you know what happens next, don’t you? That’s right, they disappear.
They did not give you the option to choose; they opted out regardless of what you thought, wanted or felt. They disappeared because they did not care about you or the relationship on the level you wanted them to.
Here is the truth: over 90% of men you meet are not your future husband.
Let me say it one more time: he was NOT your future husband. And if so, why be so upset?
I know it still hurts, regardless of who he was; but do you remember the mistake I mentioned in the very beginning of the article? You can greatly reduce your chances of getting hurt if you:
1) Stop thinking of EVERY guy you meet as your future husband. Yes, he could very well be, but this is something that only time will tell, not his promises and not your wishful thinking, but the TIME and TIME only.
2) Slow down on emotional involvement. Did he express his desire to become your proud boyfriend? Did he take his online profile down? No? Then do not rush into fantasizing about the future and his ‘potential’, do not believe his promises, be cautious, and take only one step at a time. That way, when he disappears, you won’t feel hurt as much. The higher expectations we have of someone, the greater power they have to hurt us (by not meeting those expectations). You cannot control what other people do, but you can control and manage your expectations.
3) Start screening guys and date only those who have ‘potential’. If you need help mastering this skill you will find this e-Course super helpful. What you learn will stay with you for the rest of your life. This program was written by a relationship coach Mark E. Katz. He helped a lot of his clients to get rid of unhappy dating patterns and find true love. Would you like to be one of them? I would encourage you to try the program. It is so worth it!
Let him sing serenades, give you roses, call every day, and promise unimaginable. Until he is your official boyfriend or better yet – until it is a ring on your finger – IT MEANS NOTHING. As a matter of fact, he could be doing the exact same thing to someone else!
You may also like: Articles – Do not fall in love with the 'beginning', Here is what he does when he does not have the guts to break up with you or this high quality e-Course Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever. Stop wasting your time on wrong candidates and stop getting hurt!